Oooh spanky ;-). Yes I will do. You can have it for Sat'day as I am not available. I have just found an excellent picture of the reconstructive surgery Russ is undertaking to repair his damaged nose. Look for yourselves.

Speaking of which, we need to sort out the weekend fines. In deference to our stupendous victory I am laying down a 50p maximum tariff for everyone from Sunday's team. These fines are subject to additional monies from our chief sneaks Richard (Sat) and Craig (Sun).

SUNDAY

Note that all fines include a 20p levy as I made a 50 ...

Nick - for turning up with TWO pairs of dirty whites and revealing hitherto unknown leg spin talents - 50p
Matt Ablett - for calling me 'Mr' and wearing a lurid Manga top - 50p
Clive - a 16 run over, appealing twice from deep backward square leg when no-one else did (massive embarrassment), and then throwing 2 overthrows, family attendance - 50p
Russ - allowing himself to be triggered, showing dissent, using his nose to stop the ball, family attendance - 50p
Nelly Butt - getting triggered, taking more wickets than most of the regulars - 30p
Myself - getting out to Danny Jnr, allowing Clive to open the bowling, family attendance - 30p
Craig - Horrible pull shot, family attendance - 30p
Dasher Deegan - reviving memories of Brocks v Catholics, batting like a first teamer - 30p
Mark Chadders - looking like a member of Bros, bowling like a member of Bros, crying off for the rest of the season - 40p
Bobby - keeping far better than Clifford, 2nd ball duck - 30p
Ducky - turning up at 3.30, batting like the league's best number 11, sledging the openers - 40p

Plus the following:

All cry-offs who forsook the chance of glory to go and watch City or Bolton - 20p
Corporate bash attendees - 20p

SATURDAY

Me - throwing my wicket away, getting dropped on 0, off the mark with a 6, attendance from family, and in-laws - 80p
Flash - same as me, plus ridiculous sledging of the number 3 ("leg side? is that all he does?"), taking 15 minutes to bowl an over, calling someone an "arrogant little git", family attendance - £1
Russ - family attendance, getting hit for 6 to end the game, low score - 50p
Craig - family attendance, low score - 30p
Ross - paying over the odds for City ticket, wearing helmet against trundlers, low score - 40p
Dickie P - low score, saying "tickety boo" at least 4 times - 50p
Mike A - low score, knowing how to erect temporary sightscreen (and then pulling it down), family - 40p
Nick - low score - 30p
Clive - 20p reduction for amazing catch, 20p back on for telling us it was amazing, low score, preparing the worst pitch in history, general Cliveisms, family attendance - 80p
Matt - not bowling, telling us about his purple front hair thing, bowling a no ball in the pre-match warm up - 50p
Ducky - over the top sledging, shouting "come on Paul, you're only up to half pace" for 15th straight match - 40p