My insider sources have sent me the following transcript which was recorded in secret at a recent training session of Rammy Juniors run by our very own Cliff ...
[It's 7pm. The juniors are congregated en masse on the outfield, where they're gathering up moss and dry roots, as per Cliff's instructions. None of them have cricket equipment with them. All of a sudden there's a squeal of engines and a big crashing noise]
Little Jimmy: Flaming hell! Look!
[A car is making its way onto the car park, belching smoke from under the bonnet. The car screams to a halt, and Cliff emerges and dives for cover just as a towering inferno engulfs the vehicle]
Cliff: Rats! That's 4 this week ... ok lads, now who's brought the soil bags and the scarifier?
Little Peacock: That's me, sir! And I've brought some bluebells too!
Cliff: That's great. You're fined 20p. Now lads, before we move onto painting and erecting the shed, a quick recap of last week's batting masterclass. I'm going to tell you a few scenarios and you tell me what's the best shot to play. OK, we'll start with Little Mike.
Little Mike: Yes, sir!
Cliff: There's a spinner on, he bowls a flighted delivery that's about 3 feet outside off stump and going wider. What do you play?
Little Mike: The Brooks sweep, sir!
Cliff: Excellent. Okay, we'll try little Kieran. Now then, there's a quick bowler on, you've called for your helmet, and seeing this he bangs it in half way down. What do you do?
Little Kieran: Get down on one knee and sweep it!
Cliff: Fantastic, lads! That's 2 out of 2. OK, we'll try little Russ. There's a dibbly dobbly medium pacer on, he could bowl it anywherer, what do you do?
Little Russ: Sweep it for 6 and run up the wicket grinning and signalling it!
Cliff: You're my favourite student! OK, finally, we'll try little Scunners.
Little Scunners: Yes, mate!
Cliff: OK, it's an inswing bowler, he's clearly of a high standard and he's typing you down round leg stump, what do you do?
Little Scunners: Whip him through square leg, mate! Then give myself a big clap on the back.
Cliff: Er, that's not right.
Little Scunners: You're right, I had no right to play that shot. Come on lads, it's ours this! Touch the sky!
[It's 7pm. The juniors are congregated en masse on the outfield, where they're gathering up moss and dry roots, as per Cliff's instructions. None of them have cricket equipment with them. All of a sudden there's a squeal of engines and a big crashing noise]
Little Jimmy: Flaming hell! Look!
[A car is making its way onto the car park, belching smoke from under the bonnet. The car screams to a halt, and Cliff emerges and dives for cover just as a towering inferno engulfs the vehicle]
Cliff: Rats! That's 4 this week ... ok lads, now who's brought the soil bags and the scarifier?
Little Peacock: That's me, sir! And I've brought some bluebells too!
Cliff: That's great. You're fined 20p. Now lads, before we move onto painting and erecting the shed, a quick recap of last week's batting masterclass. I'm going to tell you a few scenarios and you tell me what's the best shot to play. OK, we'll start with Little Mike.
Little Mike: Yes, sir!
Cliff: There's a spinner on, he bowls a flighted delivery that's about 3 feet outside off stump and going wider. What do you play?
Little Mike: The Brooks sweep, sir!
Cliff: Excellent. Okay, we'll try little Kieran. Now then, there's a quick bowler on, you've called for your helmet, and seeing this he bangs it in half way down. What do you do?
Little Kieran: Get down on one knee and sweep it!
Cliff: Fantastic, lads! That's 2 out of 2. OK, we'll try little Russ. There's a dibbly dobbly medium pacer on, he could bowl it anywherer, what do you do?
Little Russ: Sweep it for 6 and run up the wicket grinning and signalling it!
Cliff: You're my favourite student! OK, finally, we'll try little Scunners.
Little Scunners: Yes, mate!
Cliff: OK, it's an inswing bowler, he's clearly of a high standard and he's typing you down round leg stump, what do you do?
Little Scunners: Whip him through square leg, mate! Then give myself a big clap on the back.
Cliff: Er, that's not right.
Little Scunners: You're right, I had no right to play that shot. Come on lads, it's ours this! Touch the sky!
posted by Doc P at 12:18 pm
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