Wednesday, December 31

well i've just been looking through the new year's honour list and i couldn't see cyril's name anywhere. do you think we should make enquires for anomination for services to money collecting!!
hope everyone enjoys tonight, all the best for the new year.
oh hello to nick 'cantona' hudson. is cantona a referances to his thursday night footy skills or terrible tackling and general violence on the field of play?
Welcome to Nick Hudson who has posted in our guestbook - you are very welcome, Garvey!

Happy New Year all!!

Tuesday, December 23

Paul, although I have no pride in knowing it, I know it was from the 'ditty'. Still - your bell end is not welcome!
Fair enough each to there own, anyway merry x mas ! See you all soon.
Gents, as my final parting gift to you, look what I just uncovered. CDO, you're a rogue, a charlatan and a closet darkness addict! What say you to this?


If you look closely at the new little logo thing I've devised above, the letter 'l' is sticking up your a**e!! Now that's darkness for you (btw 'don't let the bells end' is from the Darkness ditty!)

Merry Xmas one and all, going offline for Crimble now.
keep your bell end to yourself, Paul!
Matt, at 36 I know what I like and it aint The Darkness - I could listen to the album, I could stick ##ckin' pins in me legs - I don't know which would give me more pleasure. As to understanding them - if ignorance is bliss, tis folly to be wise - ie stick yer poncy, tight wearing nonce-rock up yer jacksy - come on and merry xmas my friend.
Christmas time ... don't let the bells end! Merry Christmas everyone!
Obviously you don't understand them? Have you heard the album?? If not please don't comment!!!!! COME ON!!!!!!!
The Darkness ARE ARSE. Can't even get Christmas No. 1 when other pants have (Cliff/Slade?add your own in here...). Lads - this has been done before, they are not original, they are pathetic (does the lead singer remind anyone else of Jerry Sadowic?). ARSE, ARSE, ARSE....oh yeh & merry xmas to all.
merry christmas and happy new year to all. hopefully the club can build on the progress and success of this year on and off the field. heres to 2004 and more success and fun.
Oh well last day at work for a while,

May I wish all at TSJ and their families a very happy christmas and a prosperous new year, Lets look forward to another successful season.

Monday, December 22

Q: Why did Santa's helper become depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem!

Q: How do we know Santa's a keen gardener?
A: Because he loves to ho(e) ho(e) ho(e)!

There's definitely a more adult version of the latter joke in there somewhere!
News just in.
Apparently the Beckhams have just put in a bid for Leeds utd - Brooklyn asked for a cowboy outfit for christmas !

Very disappointed in you Mr Ainscoe!
Sorry Osama - I'm with the CDO on the music side (and of course, classic 70's prog stuff).
Obviousley very poor taste in music CDO!! Anyway its my last day in work so i can't access the site until jan 5th so are we going out on the 27th then?

Saturday, December 20

Hello boys
Yes indeed, the newsletter is about to go. I'm just about to add the 100 club winners and club sponsors and Clive should be able to be on his rounds straight after Xmas. If anyone has difficulty understanding the 'Peacock' reference, then just ask Kieran (I had to explain it to him).
Happy holidays!!!!!

Friday, December 19

The Darkness = ARSE ......ACDC would eat 'em for breakfast ..... difference between Rugby and Soccer (poncy glam-rock woofters). Typical of you to be discussing Dirty Dancing and The Darkness in same blogs....Come on!
I'm so ashamed that i know this!!! Dirty Dancing. I hang my head in shame!
NO-ONE puts baby in the corner! No sorry, completely different film (points for anyone who knows what it is).

I tend not to go for popcorn, though I am averse to sharing my minstrels with anyone!
Bloody hell you two, you'll be sharing the pop corn next !

Let me know when you fancy going if you have no-one to go with. I have two unlimited passes for UGC Bolton.

Forget 2, it's 10x better!;-)
Dr P

Sounds like a good one to finish the series off. I'm probably going to go when the cinema dies down a bit.

I missed the second one at the cinema but i've watched it on DVD and its fantastic!!

Dickie i think you need to widen your musical tastes and get into the modern era! The Darkness pure class, rocktastic if you will!!
Morning chaps.

Dickie - if you don't know who the Darkness are, you probably want to tune in that old crystal set of yours to something a little more uptempo!

Went to see "Return of the King" last night and sat there pretty much gobsmacked for the entire 3 hours 20 minutes. Never seen anything like it. Ever. If you don't see this movie on the big screen, you are missing the greatest cinematic experience you can get. Go now!! A word of caution to anyone intending to take their kids - it's a 12A and there are some pretty gruesome and scary scenes.

Morning Folks
Absolutely Top Football last night and probably played at the fastest pace ever! I think Russ really enjoyed it although I suspect that he may well be struggling to move freely for the next few days after that run out.
I will not be out this Sat although the 27th is probably the best night for me to have a few beers...I will have to ask Mrs P Carefully...things are getting busy.
Who is The Darkness?
This could be my last blog for a while as in a few hours I will be leaving for 2 weeks jollies.
Have a TKB Christmas one and all.

Thursday, December 18

Spoken to Mike Jones tonight. He wants me to let everyone know that he & Rowdy are going out for a few beers on Saturday night. If anyone wants to join them they are more than welcome. Either post a blog here and I will pass the message on or non-bloggers can send me an email on

I am also thinking of joining them for a while (that's enough to stop anyone else from going !!)

Kieran - Not available on Sat 27th Dec but available any other time.
remember to buy "The Darkness" x mas single so they can get to No 1!!!!!
Merry x mas everybody and good will to all men!! I'm always available for a few cheeky bifters over the festive period!! The Saturday night sounds the best to me! I've just got over the humiliation of last saturday and can now just about show my face!! If something gets organised let me know!


Big Russ! Merry Xmas! and same to all other bloggers. Mike is v. close to finishing newsletter - probably needs your help, Clive, in distribution. Still reckon we can slip out for a few scoops over yuletide - poss dates everyone? mine are sat 27th/ sun 28th/ fri 2nd.
Scoop - apols for late notice, but if required I have a pass out for tonight. I think my foot will stand up to it. Let me know.

Wednesday, December 17

Scoop I'll pick you up as long as you guarantee not to talk Wanderers or City!

Tuesday, December 16

Scoop. I'm Free!
Please folks lets make sure we have 2 teams as I've put off the chance of a night out in York.
Ended up last Thurs in Pontefract...The place is very very grim and all I can say is I'm glad I went large on the Beer.
Agree Paul, from what I've seen this season there has been more football played on thursday night than on any saturday afternoon. Thats how bad it's got!! They've brought disgrace to the WHITE shirt.
Any of us for a start - and we wouldn't have to be paid 2 grand a week to serve up that garbage.
How can that be good news?? Who would do a better job with the money available??
Preece OUT!

He's gone!!!! fantastic. Now just get shut of Graham Barrow and Bury can start to repair the damage ...
Hi Scoop,

Yup, Andy's ok. I checked with him yesterday and gave him your email too, so assume he'll contact you directly. I wouldn't bet against the swearing at the pictures ... but then again if Ashley's there there might be!! ;-)
Morning All...

Must be a record - I count 7 people unavailable from last week!!!!

Thanks for the early notice Paul - is Andy available?? At least you won't get sworn at 11 times at the pictures.

The team (assuming Andy available):

Me (swears at friends and generally not very nice it would appear)
CDO (generally crap)
Andy (improving - must be, I only slagged him off 9 times last week)
Nick Hud
Dickie P - are you available?? - we need you!!
Mark (needs a good kicking to bring him down to our level)
Matt A (will get a good kicking)

If Andy unavailable then I will draft in Clive. If both Andy and Dickie unavailable then we're f***ed.

Please let me know you're availability gents sooner rather than later.

Scoop - bad news/good news - I'm in 1st team again! - good news = I'm not available for 5-a-side therefore - soz (thought that I'd be dropped after last game -I played like a 36 year old....).

Monday, December 15

Morning chaps.

Well I feel positive and much cheerier after a good weekend, now the Xmas decorations are up, it's all festive!

Scoop, can't do footy this week, as I have now got plans to see Return of the King with some friends - highlight of the year cinematically without a shadow of a doubt!

Therefore, I would like to take this opportunity to say MERRY CHRISTMAS to one and all. Hope you and your families have a wonderful time, get lots of nice things, don't fall out with the distant relatives (or the close ones ;-)), and are raring to go for what promises to be an exciting 2004.

As a club there are weddings, at least 2 new arrivals and much more on the cards for next year - let's make it as happy and successful as last season eh?

To everyone who has turned up at soccer, a big thank you, and a continued cheer to Scoop and Dickie P for getting the extra-curricular stuff like footy organised. A special mention from me to CDO and Cliff who kept me sane during the season, and of course to all the team for their excellent second half performance. Some magic memories in 2003.

Plus all you websiters - it's been great fun!

Sunday, December 14

A few weeks ago there was talk about getting together one Saturday night for drinks and / or meal before Christmas.
Anyone free next Saturday ? Let me know your availability and why not invite wives and partners if you want to !!

Friday, December 12

You're learning, Matt. I don't know what all the fuss was about - I missed a week and really enjoyed it last night! The only thing serious about it was that we were SERIOUSLY CRAP. Expectations are a funny thing - if they are too high.....Take a leaf out of my book "If ignorance is bliss 'tis folly to be wise" - in other words just enjoy it for what it is - an opportunity get a sweat on and score one goal out of twenty attempts!
Pitched up!! Whats that then?

Looking forward to tomorrow can't wait to watch the mighty blue boys beat mcr utd. Notice CDO i've put mcr in front of utd b4 you start moaning!!
The first cricket net this next year might be very interesting. Just don't assume the ball will be pitched up much.
well boys got to say i enjoyed the run out although i am now sporting two huge blister on my feet. no one mentioned the great amount of encouragement that one receives from ones team mates about any mistakes made. i hope mozzas ok. have to protest my innocence, i was just a little late with the odd challage. very doubtfull for next time.
Its a tempting offer craig but unfortunately i'll have to decline. I have two exams next week!
Sounds like fun, do I need to get pads, box & helmet down from the loft for next week ?
Matt, if you wish to complete your collection next week I'll be happy to oblige !

That just about sums it up - I can still hear the sound as you got poleaxed! Mind you, Mozzer getting brutally dumped was the more cynical bit; I also think Mark may have been wondering why I spent 5 minutes trying to kneecap him with full leg swings a foot off the ground.

My left leg is in a right state thanks to Garvey - an enormous bruise right down my shin and two more behind the knee.
I think things got a bit serious last night but nevermind! I enjoyed myself even though i got hit in the bollocks by ash and scott pity you weren't playing vice then i could of had the hat trick of parkinsons hitting me in the nads!!
Bloody Hell chaps what went on last night, what happened to the season of goodwill and all that ??
Don't think it was you Kieran - I shouldn't have played as I was totally drugged out on flu capsules and had a migraine half way through the game. No excuse for mini tantrum but felt like a zombie throughout. Plus I don't particularly appreciate being sworn at 11 times by people I consider friends. Easily the least enjoyable hour of football in 3 years.
Well....that proves it - Kieran Coe: you are the weakest link - 1st time on whites and we get stuffed! No, no its just a coincidence (cheers).

Wednesday, December 10

Thanks for your help boys - see you tomorrow.
Don't hold back there scoop!!

I'll sack off the shopping to play footy. I only said that because it looked as if there were 50 players! So I make a come back! All beware

See you on thursday!

2 more things

- Nick Fletcher is available and would like to play
- thanks for letting me know re next week's sesh. I was intending to go see the Return of the King, but I guess I can put that off by a day *sob*

Tuesday, December 9

2 things

- it should read forgot not forget
- yes there is 1 more 'session' on the 18th Paul.

OK boys and Girls

Lots of comings and goings but the attendees as I see it

Nick H (I will confirm)
Matt Cotton (forget the Xmas shopping you puff)
Mark (Clive's mate)
A N Other

The following are not available (from the recent regulars):

Dickie P

Have I forget anyone?????

Can I ask that the following is done to help me please:

- Matt - can you sack of the Xmas shop?? Please advise
- Can anyone find out if Nick Fletch wishes to be the tenth, I can easily make it up with Mozers mate's but would prefer a TSJ'er

Hope the above makes sense, it is extremely hard work to get the illusive 10 players so no late cry offs and no late attendees.

I'm assuming this is our last pre-Xmas game this week isn't it?? Or is the hall open on the 18th?

We ought to mix the teams up a bit, with most of the Parkinson clan unavailable ... can you believe I've only been on the same side as the CDO for 1 game in 2 seasons? Much though I like putting one over on him and getting elbows in my spine every week, it would be nice to have different teams for once.
Very brave, Craig - after announcing your non-availability you slag me - typical!
Do Ripon play in white, if so it would explain the result.
Andy and I are definitely playing!

It was Skipton 5 - Ripon 62 unfortunately. The demise of the Skiptonites is to be found on the Internet quite easily.
Scoop, I won't be at football thursday, but should be okay for next week.
Dicky: If you were still in touch with your roots you would have the contacts to find out the (cricket) score yourself.
Scott to make things easier for you I've got some last minute x mas shopping I can do on thursday so you can take my name off the list.

As you know Scott I have my works Xmas do on Thurs.

Go on CDO - What was the Score?
Scott - use me as a leveller as we said (I'll make up to evens). I'm not going training as no 1st team fixture this week (time off for being crap!).

Monday, December 8

Looks like football will be popular this week. In the interest of having even no's and hopefully less than 56 people can those regular bloggers please advise if you are available - I don't want any 'I may possibly kind of if I can bothered' comments please!!!!

Let me know re anyone who doesn't post also (Paul - Andy) etc...

I will post an idea of the attendees on Wednesday.

I suppose it's better than Elton having a view of your rear !
A View of Elton Johns Rear eh! Interesting!!!!

Will be good to have you back. We've missed your psychotic influence. Sorry to hear about your weekend loss, but then it was always going to be tough with your makeshift team right now. Hope you didn't get too many bangs and bruises.

Hels and I went to see Elton John at the MEN Arena last night. Absolutely sensational stuff. We were sat right behind the stage, about 20 feet from the maestro with a brilliant view. He played non-stop for about 2.5 hours, all the favourites.

There was talk a few weeks ago about a pre-Xmas get together, maybe for a curry or some such nonsense? Are people still up for it? We'd certainly fancy a curry at that place in Holcombe village (where we went last time).
Hell! I miss one week and I'm gagging for it!!!! Scott - get me in!!! (God I bite easily - don't I?)
PS Dicky - Ripon Stuffed us.
I always thought was nick was perceptive and his comments prove the point.
IF you are allowed to play, Nick, I do think you need to really be careful as to the kind of things you are saying (this grovelling to the whites will not guarantee you a place in their team - with your socio-demographic make up you are MUCH more likely to appear amongst the ranks of rag, tag, etc). So you will find that either your team mates dislike you for pampering to the white ego or you get a reet good kicking playing for the whites.....

Saturday, December 6

so let me get this straight. the whites are an ajax team of the early 70's with wit and cunning on the ball and able to adapt to different positions on the field, while the rag-tags are more your wimbledon of the late 80's. what i want to know is is cdo vinny jones or john fashanu.
hoping to be available for a game if i'm welcome on thursday.

Friday, December 5

I dont know these bloody whites eh! I see there's no back up from our team!!!!
AND they played in orange. Traffic cones ahoy!
Granted that team could play a bit BUT they were still losers.
Allright so they didn't win anything but they were probably one of the all time greatest teams ever or was i thinking of Holland 74! The World cup final where they scored without the opposition touching the ball from the kickoff!

Anyway I'm free next thursday for football so i can play (if selected Scoop!)
It's fascinating what a google search will bring up - in 1978, a Dutch side won the Cup Winners Cup, while much more importantly, a girl called Suzanne Holland gained a degree in history from Indiana University! That just underlines Matt's analogy! Intriguingly, a group called "The Whites" chose that self-same year to release an album called "Poor Folk's Pleasure" - now that is coincidence.

Either that or I'm talking total b*ll*cks again ;-)
Shades of Holland '78 - and what exactly did they win that year ?
That might be the case now vice but the last time i played the "ragtags" played total football. Shades of the Holland 78 world cup team!

Thursday, December 4

The main difference is the contrast of styles, the mighty whites play total football on the ground, the rag tags just hoof it.

There's a hardcore unit of 4 for each team - me, Andy, Craig and Scoop for the whites, CDO, Cliff, Dickie and Mozzer for the ragtags. Then there's Micky J and Ash who play white when they're available, and take your pick from Osama, Jedi, Frankie B, The Hud, Lee Marsden and Scudders for the ragtags. It's always been like that, and usually makes for a good game. If there's an equal number, it's normally close with I'd say the whites *just* shading it over the years.

If there are odd numbers, we just adjust accordingly and try and make the best of it.

Plenty of decent confrontations with historical interest - Cliff v Scoop, Andy v anyone getting past him, CDO v anything that moves etc.
so i gather the teams are rougthly the same with the odd transfer each week depending on numbers. what happens if some one new turns up,does he have to sit out untill an injury occurs if the sides are even.
more importantly whats the score of victories on the night, is it the whites or rag-tags that have the advantage. so many question, i know, i'm just intriged.
No you're right. If you're on my side I'll be screaming for the ball ;-)

Craig, don't forget the "Dickie Peacock Sidestep" which he falls for every time - feign to go right, then drag the ball back and sweep past on the inside. Lovely.

I now fear that I'll be getting drilled into the wall half a dozen times tonight ;-)

The boys in action
You say that now Dr P but wait until I return to thursday night football and you wont be laughing then!!!!
I see Dickie P is making his excuses already, only when he is wearing white does he look a world beater, put the city top back on and well need I say
Well done, Osama! If only you could pass a football ;-)
Good form as usual Dickie P!! I've passed my first set of exams!!
Morning Folks

I will be at football tonight - against the better judgment of my wife. The Doctor has given me some industrial strength pain killers that as I am sat here still have not kicked in. So I will have to take it very easy!
Glad to hear the Scan was TKB Doc
PS Did any body see the Archeology feature on the BBC news and in the press yesterday on the 2500 year old chariot burial discovered on our contract over here!.....Sorry very Dull.

Wednesday, December 3

Nick - its the whites versus rag, tag and bobtail.....Only one side is 'picked' the other is thrown together like lambs to the slaughter (sniff...)
so for the five a side do you have the same teams each week?
what no lining up against the wall and two people picking the teams, it dont sound right.
what are the usual teams then?
That's all assuming that Dickie recovers from his pulled shoulder muscle anyway ...

Anyway the REAL whites are back this week - send that interloper back to his own goal-hanging kick and rush outfit! Speaking of interlopers, what's happened to Frankie B, Scunners and Lee Marsden?

I'm available for football, it'll be interesting to see how many whites turn up, by my reckoning including the mighty Dickie P there could be 6. Is the Hud not available ?

Scoop - I'd better show me face at training this week - it shouldn't be long now before I'm dropped and I can enjoy 5-a-side once more.....

Andy and I will pick up Jedi.

Looking forward to it. We had our 21 week baby scan yesterday - all systems go! ;-)
Morning all...

I've got a headache reading the conversation between Doc and CDO - put away your dictionaries and talk int language we normal people understand.

Well done Dickie (honorary Lanky person) - I'm sure you'll miss the M62 on a damp and cold morning but don't worry you can replace that joy with 30 minutes sleep a week and 12 shitty nappies a day!!

Turning to football - with lots of comings and goings this is the team (i think) as it stands... I would welcome clarification or comments:

In no order (Craig)....

Dickie (Lanky man)
Craig (please confirm)
Mark (Clive's mate - played on white's, good)
Moza's mate
Matty Ablett (reiterate Clives comment - can anyone pick him up??)

For those of us that are not mathematically challenged you will note that I have listed 9 people. Once I have a better idea on numbers (up or down) I may need to call on our super sub (CDO - still OK at short notice??).

Your help with the above is very much appreciated - I am sure all those that have attended in the past 2 weeks will agree that having even numbers makes a huge difference.


Tuesday, December 2

Dickie well done on your new posting. Anyone interested in coming over to Skipton with me to see Kieran get the sh*t kicked out of him! Let me know before Thurs as I am not at footie. Talking of Thurs any volunteers to pick up young Jedi ?

Calverley Cup final photos are now ready for those who ordered them, so have your £7.50 ready at footie the week after. Laters
no....this is the thing.....I'm in the 1st team....we play 1st teams in the its Ripon 1st team (we beat 'em last season). Come on!
Yes for the time being anyway! Even the kids going to be born in lanky. I should be going London at the weekend so I will be unable to go and cheer for my old town. Believe it or not I actually played for the under 18's a couple of times. (Obviously when they were short). I presume it will be Ripon 2nds that you are playing.
Dickie P, I've sent you quite a few emails of late and they've bounced - can you send me a message if you fancy a game of squash this week??

Good to hear you've managed to get a transfer though, that's excellent news with baby Peacock en route!
So Dicky - you've given up....that slippery rock of Yorkshireness you have successfully clung to has finally beaten you and you are now a lanky working and living in lanky (better for kid though - eh?). My rock (rugby) is pretty slippery also, but I am managing to cling hold for a while at least - Saturday 6/12 = home versus Ripon in League - anyone interested in coming to support - my old cricket club is sponsoring game and with it being Ripon, will be a big crowd and massive beer fest after.

Monday, December 1

Got my tranfer to the M60 in the new year, so I will no longer have to travel daily to this magnificent land.
CDO, as a Kid the only thing I ever had was a Barn Door to kick a football against. Maybe that's just the problem...The goals are not Barn Doors!
methinks......piffle...... is this the kind of mediaeval language that accompanies 'men' in tights and air guitar?
Piffle! Who worships Yorkshiremen apart from other Yorkshiremen? ;-)

Indeed, this excellent Monty Python sketch sums it all up!

If I choose to describe Yorkshiremen as objects of worship (deity = god / divinity = supremely good/magnificent) - if you choose to express your disbelief - it is only opinion and I respect yours. We must live together in this world - divisions over belief cannot be allowed to escalate, but I must insist that my choice of words was and remains correct.
"Omnipresent like a deity". Without wishing to cause controversy and ructions, isn't there a majority of people who would actually say that deities are non-existent rather than omnipresent? Bad choice, methinks.

Omnipresent like a bad smell, mayhap! ;-)

BTW, you may have noticed that our guestbook was not functioning properly - the people that hosted it are no longer letting people use them without paying. So I've just installed a new one!

Yorkshiremen are never foreign - they are ubiquitous, omnipresent like a deity, so you can tell Nick that every day is Yorkshire Day.
Hi guys, hope you all had a good few days. Looking forward to footy this week.

In the interest of fairness, Nick's asked me to point out that it was Yorkshire day on August 1st. He also reminds our "foreign" players to reapply for their visas on January 1st!!!