Friday, May 30

Tuesday 03/06/03 evening is paint/assemble sight screen evening - we need all bodies to be present to kill this off and move forward - Clive has prepared the metal bits and I, for one, am eager to reap the benefits of this much needed addition to the club. If we get it done - who knows we might even have time to use the new nets! Please do not give me a crappy excuse (these are now finable). I will remind you all on Sat/Sun.

Wednesday, May 28

2nd XI selection for Saturday v's Fothergill & Harvey at Home Meet ground 1pm - M Jones (c), G Fletcher, JB Kinsey, M Ablett, A Arnold, P Skundric, J Howard, A Smith, R Murray, N Hudson & S Hunter.
Weekend selections, folks. Please let me or Cliff know ASAP if you're not available.

Saturday - Springhead (a):
Craig (c), Kieran, Cliff, Matt C, Richard, Ducky, Nick, Martin D*, Ross, Bobby L and Mike A
(* tbc)

Sunday - Rochdalians (a) CUP Q/F:
Paul(c), Craig, Kieran, Cliff, Matt C, Richard, Ducky, Nick, Ross, Nelly Butt*, Ashley
(* tbc)

Tuesday, May 27

Saturday - excellent bowling and fielding lads. It looked like we were on the way to 5 points until Mo's intervention. Another very spirited fielding performance but the batting again let us down. Good attendance at the post-match fines committee, no doubt Kieran will post full details for those who weren't there or haven't paid up.

DOUBLE HEADER next weekend, folks, can you let me or Cliff know ASAP if you're unavailable for Saturday (Springhead) or Sunday (Rochdalians - CUP Q/F)

Friday, May 23

There's a tragedy to report folks.

Big Bird Russ has broken his ankle. When questioned as to how he did this, his brother Cliff informed me "He fell over on the drive". This is a new one on me, he normally falls over on the patented Brooks one-kneed sweep!

Get well soon, Birdy.

And you lot, get an early night. No excuses of "I was up all night watching Big Brother" when you turn up bleary eyed and in a right state. Matt, you're excused, we wouldn't know the difference!
Come on its Friday afternoon!! Most of my work is done so a lazy afternoon is on the cards (i wish). Looking forward to a nice bank holiday weekend of power drinking! Word of warning though, never drink with Pete "the Fish" Duckworth I was so leathered on saturday night! Thanks pete!

Thursday, May 22

I've got my wet suit ready for saturdays game! Shall i bring my surf board?

Wednesday, May 21

2nd XI selection for Sunday V Littleborough at Home - N. Fletcher, M Jones, JB Kinsey, S Moriarty, M Ablett, M Ainscoe, P Skundric, G Fletcher, A Smith, M Deegan, N Hudson. Res - Jon Kinsey
My favourite comedian is Steven Wright, the deadpan American guy. Want to know why?
Ground underwater last night, though Clive was still managing to do sterling work on the new sightscreens. On another very positive note, the practice nets have arrived, so hopefully we should get a chance to use them in August when it stops raining!

1st XI for Saturday's waterpolo game: Paul (c), Kieran, Matt C, Dasher Deegan, Ducky, Nick, Bobby, Ross, Richard, Craig, Smiffy. Reserve is young Jedi Ablett. Ash, MR Ainscoe and the Battling Brooks boys not available.
Saturday - live on stage at the Oakwood Centre, Rotherham (rock capital of the UK) - the mightly Mostly Autumn (prog rock throwbacks to the times of soaring Pink Floyd guitar with a touch of Celtic mystery ala Clannad mixed with a folkish touch) ALSO playing at the Met in Bury next Friday if anyone's up for it?? (tickets are a tenner) to be preceded by pre gig 'aperitifs' at the Ainscoe house.

Tuesday, May 20

No need to see Busted again, saw them at the MEN at the concert last week ;-). I take it you're not available for Sat then. Right. The battling Brooks boys also not available, which leaves us with an eleventh spot to fill! Ah well, yet more selection dilemmas for tonight. Who are you seeing on Saturday then, the Sugababes?
Hey Paul - got your tickets for BUSTED yet??
Selection note - I'm available for SUN this week as I'm going to see a REAL band on Sat.

Monday, May 19

The rain seems to have affected everyone at the weekend but it didn't dampen spirits on the grand day out to Alton Towers yesterday. Indeed your correspondent is keen to report that we all had a wicked time, and also suffered a very very nervous near-death experience! We were riding the "Air" rollercoaster at about 1.25pm, and as we were near the top of the first hill, it suddenly stopped. If you're not familiar with Air, it hangs you horizontally under the track in a "flying" position. See this picture to see what I mean.

So anyway a few seconds pass and then the nervous chattering begins. At this point we're about 60-70 feet up and effectively looking straight down at the ground, which consists of rocks, stone and a few bits of fence. This is fine so far. Anyway a minute passes and still nothing, and all of a sudden things are starting to get worrying. An Alton Towers worker then arrives and asks "is everyone okay"? Now that is quite possibly the most stupid question ever - whether we're all okay or not is irrelevant, if there's a problem, they can't get us out anyway, if they release the locks we all plunge to our deaths.

TEN minutes later we're still there and now there's mild panic, so Dom in the car in front decides that we all need a sing-song ... We make the best of it (exclusive picture) .... By now I have noticed that people queuing for Nemesis about 50 yards away on the left have noticed us ... and SOMEBODY HAS A CAMCORDER TRAINED ON US. Great, I think, if we die, we'll be world famous! The ever-so helpful lady comes back again, and one or two folks indicate that actually, no, we're not okay. "Just bear with us" she then adds, in a comment even more stupid than the first! As though we'll actually try and get off at this point!

Fortunately the coaster then started again, to massive cheers, and more than a little relief all round. Now that was certainly a memorable incident!!

Friday, May 16

I meant to say "they are" (Typo)
Sorry how could I forget such a thing! I mean't to Blue now what bunch of lads there especially Duncan! What wouldn't I do!!
Yes, but you're gay aren't you?
I have to disagree with you Dr P, The Atomic Kitten Ladies are a fine specimen of the opposite sex!
Went to a fantastic concert at the MEN Arena on Wednesday. We must have been the only adults of consenting age not accompanied by at least 5 screaming toddlers. It was the Pepsi Silver Clef concert in aid of the Nordoff Robbins music therapy centre appeal, and we were treated by the following acts ... (good job I'm not playing tomorrow or it'd be 20p fine for each!) - in order of appearance, Busted (jumped up and down a lot - them, not me), Javina (Pop Idol apparently, not in my book), Mis-teeq (scandalous), Big Brovaz (gimmicky), Girls Aloud (oh yes indeed, oh my good golly gosh, oh yes), Liberty X (fantastic), Emma Bunton (tart), Atomic Kitten (apparently not tarts, but too Scouse for my liking), Craig David (magic voice, hate his songs), Emma Bunton (still a tart) and ... BLUE, who brought the house down (unfortunately not on them).

Ye gods. Non-stop whistling and screams; it was just like watching Kieran bat, though it lasted 3 hours! Plus the highlight of the night, when Vernon Kay was setting up links for T4 and said "and now ... Metallica". Cue raucous screaming from my left, quickly followed by "Who are Metallica". 50p fine for my other half, methinks. Note it down, Dickie P.
I've just heard from Andy Hood unfortunetely he can't play on saturday.
Its friday and its raining! What a surprise! Has Clive been doing the rain dance? Revelations for this Friday hmmm bit short on them today!
Scoop - arf, arf. No I was just indicating that people could use the club email which would get passed on to me ;-) I'll see you on Tuesday for another bout of "whackers" if you like!!

Ooooh seeing as it's friday and no doubt there will be more revelations about players following Matt's coming out last week, take a peek at this very funny story I have found which I daresay some can probably relate to ... annoying girlfriend for sale.

Thursday, May 15

CDO - Thank you for your kind words and indeed for proving my very point!!

Pauly - why are you getting rid of yours and Cliff's bed - have you split up??
CDO, I think that should read Sc##t Parkinson!!!

Okay two things non-cricket related.

1. Alton Towers this Sunday. So far there are about a dozen folks attending my bash - if anyone wants to join us, please let us know via the site or by email. Clive, Richard???

2. We have for general offer a single bed - with storage underneath - and a king size futon (wooden frame and firm mattress). Both going FREE to anyone who can make use of them - you'd just need to arrange transport to carry them. Again, let me or Cliff know if you're interested.

Good luck for the weekend chaps. Sorry I can't make it but have wedding/hotel stuff to arrange which can't be done any other time alas.
miserable c##t Parkinson.

Wednesday, May 14

Haven't you all got jobs to do? Apart from Mr (sorry Dr) Ainscoe obviously!!

Tuesday, May 13

Team selections for weekend :
1st's away at Robinsons - C Parkinson (c), C Brooks, K, Coe, M Cotton, M Deegan, P Duckworth, N Fletcher, B Loomba (wkt), R McMurdo,R Peacock, A Smith.
2nd's home to Robinsons - M Jones (c/wkt), M Ablett, R Ablett, M Ainscoe, G Fletcher, J B Kinsey, D Moriarty, R Murray, plus 3 others.
As you can see we are short this weekend for a variety of reasons. Anyone not picked who is available e mail the webmaster who will put you in touch with Mike Jones. Any other ideas welcome that is apart from rain and plenty of it !!
Harsh fines me thinks for saturday! Anyway whats wrong with having purple hair it was very cool at the time!
Oooh spanky ;-). Yes I will do. You can have it for Sat'day as I am not available. I have just found an excellent picture of the reconstructive surgery Russ is undertaking to repair his damaged nose. Look for yourselves.

Speaking of which, we need to sort out the weekend fines. In deference to our stupendous victory I am laying down a 50p maximum tariff for everyone from Sunday's team. These fines are subject to additional monies from our chief sneaks Richard (Sat) and Craig (Sun).


Note that all fines include a 20p levy as I made a 50 ...

Nick - for turning up with TWO pairs of dirty whites and revealing hitherto unknown leg spin talents - 50p
Matt Ablett - for calling me 'Mr' and wearing a lurid Manga top - 50p
Clive - a 16 run over, appealing twice from deep backward square leg when no-one else did (massive embarrassment), and then throwing 2 overthrows, family attendance - 50p
Russ - allowing himself to be triggered, showing dissent, using his nose to stop the ball, family attendance - 50p
Nelly Butt - getting triggered, taking more wickets than most of the regulars - 30p
Myself - getting out to Danny Jnr, allowing Clive to open the bowling, family attendance - 30p
Craig - Horrible pull shot, family attendance - 30p
Dasher Deegan - reviving memories of Brocks v Catholics, batting like a first teamer - 30p
Mark Chadders - looking like a member of Bros, bowling like a member of Bros, crying off for the rest of the season - 40p
Bobby - keeping far better than Clifford, 2nd ball duck - 30p
Ducky - turning up at 3.30, batting like the league's best number 11, sledging the openers - 40p

Plus the following:

All cry-offs who forsook the chance of glory to go and watch City or Bolton - 20p
Corporate bash attendees - 20p


Me - throwing my wicket away, getting dropped on 0, off the mark with a 6, attendance from family, and in-laws - 80p
Flash - same as me, plus ridiculous sledging of the number 3 ("leg side? is that all he does?"), taking 15 minutes to bowl an over, calling someone an "arrogant little git", family attendance - £1
Russ - family attendance, getting hit for 6 to end the game, low score - 50p
Craig - family attendance, low score - 30p
Ross - paying over the odds for City ticket, wearing helmet against trundlers, low score - 40p
Dickie P - low score, saying "tickety boo" at least 4 times - 50p
Mike A - low score, knowing how to erect temporary sightscreen (and then pulling it down), family - 40p
Nick - low score - 30p
Clive - 20p reduction for amazing catch, 20p back on for telling us it was amazing, low score, preparing the worst pitch in history, general Cliveisms, family attendance - 80p
Matt - not bowling, telling us about his purple front hair thing, bowling a no ball in the pre-match warm up - 50p
Ducky - over the top sledging, shouting "come on Paul, you're only up to half pace" for 15th straight match - 40p
Bring it tonight or I'll possess you.
Possession is 9/10 of the law I believe.
Get your own fucking bat.
Morning all.
Just a quick message for selection tonight as I shan't be at nets (marking scripts...etc). I will be available for selection for sat (kind of) - I have a comittment/committment/commitment (you choose) which means I can't get away 'til about 1.30, meaning I can't really play for an away team but should be able to play home as I should be able to get to the ground before 2pm. Hope this is of some use to somebody somewhere (instead of the usual no use to nobody nowhere).

And by the way Clive, it's Dr Ainscoe


Monday, May 12

Has anyone seen the league for the 2's Its says played 2 lost 2 and no points. Thats a bit wrong!!
Top effort on Sunday boys!! Nice one.
Glad to see your efforts matched the Super Whites and 'so good they named him twice' Okocha!!
How did the 2's do at Robbies??
Oh yes, just remembered, if anyone wants a username and password to post (Craig, Ducky?), please drop an email to Clifford at!
Okay here are the weekend details for those who aren't aware:

Saturday - whoops apocalypse in the batting!
TSJ 58 a/o, Rochdalians 62-6

At one point we were 37-1, with myself and Flash having batted okay (wonder when was the last time both openers got off the mark with a 6!?), both of us holed out and then it was carnage. The pitch was bloody awful, popping at one end, shooting at the other, and despite only posting 58 we still could have won. After Osama's magnificent run out with a direct hit, Flash and I got amongst them and at 44-6 it was up for grabs - but then the second downpour killed the pitch and they batted sensibly.

Massive plus points for Ash's desperate attempt to make the rain come with a 15 minute over (longest maiden in history) and also his long and loud query about their number 3 - "leg side? is that all he does?". Superb.

But sod that, what about yesterday? One of the most unexpected but satisfying wins in memory.
TSJ 148-9, Rochdale Catholic Club 111a/o.

Good bowling attack, but we blunted it early on, with Nick doing well in his emergency opener role, and then Nellie looking good before being triggered. I just had one of those days, and with fantastic support from Dasher Deegan and Big Bird, it was carnage for a dozen overs, everything hit the middle of the bat, and it just all felt right! It's been a long time since I've felt like that, let's hope it lasts. Kieran, I'm keeping your bat! We ought to have got more than 148, but that was a decent enough total in the circumstances.

Quite simply one of the best fielding displays we've produced then ensued. After 5 overs from Clifford and Chadders it was 37-0 and all looked sunk, but then a couple of inspired bowling changes, wickets started to fall (Danny first ball, now that was sweet ;-)) and after a quick four over burst from yours truly, the spin kings Birdy and Nellie put on the brakes. Then came the big moment, the new whirly bird Mr Fletcher. What a revelation. Some truly excellent leg spin, very well controlled, a lightning stumping from Bobby accounted for another, and then after Russ decided he was going to miss the ball with his enormous hands and use his nose intead, Chadders brilliantly caught Mo in the deep, I wrapped up the tail and it was all over.

A very jubilant phone call with Ash then ensued, and now it's a Q/F date with Rochdalians on June 1st!

Fantastic stuff lads. Very very proud of you all.
well done boys - weather permitting, should be a good turn out at nets tomorrow then!
Great result on Sunday boys, Well done!!!! When Pete phoned me on sunday night to let me know the scoreI had a beer in celebration. Does this mean that the Octopus will be bowling more this season? I fear for my place in the team!!

Sunday, May 11

What I want to know is why Young Destroyer Ablett is still doing out of bed at 10:36 pm on a Sunday evening. Also Matt I think you will find it is Dr Meehan.
Anyway a great result and I have burnt my keeping gloves on a bar-be-que.
The firsts were victorious in the cup against Rochdale Catholic Club what a result what a game. Great performance all round. Especially by the bowlers and one batsman in perticular Mr Meehan. Then a solid fielding performance only slightly tainted by Russels nose being hit by the ball (stopped a certain 4). Great win lads and the best of luck in the next round.

Friday, May 9

So let me get this right then I look like ant or dec, Osoma Bin Laden (lardey) Andre Agassi and Gay! (Which is of course incorrect) I'm a bit confussed!! - not on the gay thing before you all start!!!
"I'm a celebrity - get me out of here" Anyone noticed that Ant (or is it Dec?) is Matt Cotton with hair?
Also - any of our musicians up for forming an 'air band'?? I can do air guitar and backing vox??
are you gay aswell?
Hmmm I guess he has been hanging around with richard too much! So whats your favourite section then Celebrity Spy??
Are you serious about new woman (no wonder you've taken to the bottle!). This sounds like a Richardism?

Thursday, May 8

Oh it's a top read, heartily recommend it ... much more interesting than reading about Boxing! ;-) New Woman
Yes its true i used to play in a band. We were pretty good (in my opinion as I used to write all the songs) we used to play in Manchester quite a bit but its been a long time since I've played the guitar. Anyway skip whats this about "new woman" magazine then?
Hi buds,

The next time anyone hits the publish button, any previously unpublished stuff will appear! No problems.

I have learned some interesting things about Matt today. Did everyone know he used to play in a band? Apparently they were a bit like the Dane Bowers Truesteppers, probably called the Oversteppers I'd imagine ;-). Interestingly, I don't think Matt was no-balled against Elton Vale, it's probably because the umpire was getting ready to leap out of the way of another six! More exciting Matt facts (don't worry, he can get me back for this): he loves the smell of petrol, he'd call his first born Bernard, even if it's a girl, and he's afraid of flying ...
I've not pressed the publish button yet, and all my messages have appeared. Is it something you have to do on my behalf, Paul? If so I apologise!
I noticed that! I thought that my marvelous 1 should have been put on the outstanding performances section!
Dear all
Anyone notice the NMCL website results for the weekend. The 2's game had 'NoPlay' - so much for our intrepid batting performance!

Don't forget to hit the "Post and Publish" button, not just Post, otherwise your message doesn't appear!

Is there anyone actually available for Sunday, think we've got about 6 so far and dropping ... ;-(

Tuesday, May 6

As selection is tonight - I will remind those concerned: I am not available for either game this weekend. However, nets tonight may give rise to the opportunity for sight screen erection and painting if we get the right bodies/equipment - Clive is to bring drill and appropriate bit, Keith Duckworth the relevant primer/paint. Please be present for practice/ground development.
Bit gutted about about not finishing the game on saturday I was up for it big time! I have to say that the Greenfield lads were very polite! Clapping the batsman on and off the field I've not seen that since my days at Greenmount under 13's. As myself and Mr Aincoe were discussing it was like a game on the village green whilst the spectators were sipping champagne and cucumber sandwiches (very civilised). Unfortunately i'm not available for selection for the sunday game i've got wedding things to do. Anyway I'd best go now i've got I have some new entrants to sign into hell.

The Devil (formally known as the sheik!)

Monday, May 5

well the 2s got to bat on saturday before the heavens well and truely opened. good start to the innings with baza and fletcher snr slow but sure, then dasher deegan replaced baza and hit a quick fire 11 before being the first of many to surcome to the slowness and unpredictable bounce of the wicket and skyed straight down a fielders throat. fletcher snr top scored with 31, ainscoe and jonesy put a few on the board. a score of a 105ish was reached, but it could and should have been more, with the tail all giving easy catching practise to the fielders. one moment of note came from the head banded wonder (smithy) who played a blinding cover drive for 4, easily the shot of the day.
in the end the weather won and points where shared before the greenfield attack had chance to destroy the pace attack of cotton...and myself.
7pts from possible 10, so far so good.
one other thing was the politness of the greenfield players and general attitude was great to see, and they did stay out in the rain.

Thursday, May 1

Oh yeah bored so lets pick on the bald man! I admit it wasn't the best of starts to my 2003 season but at least i got him out.
Just an idle thought ... following his amazing start to the season (666), is Matt Cotton aka Osama actually the Devil? Just a pity it was with the ball and not the bat! Can anyone tell I'm getting bored?
I have just spotted this most excellent story which will definitely be of interest to all those with flatulence issues. We won't mention Dickie P at this point. Get it under control!

Regarding Clifford's dilemma, there is no way of stopping them short of electrifying the fencing around the square. I quite agree that putting leaflets through will only encourage them but at least you can point to them having been warned. CDO, this hearkens back to the point we made about sightscreens - even if we chain them up, they'll only get vandalised or graffitied on. It's a sad state of affairs when you can't even protect your own property but sadly there are too many juvenile delinquents about these days ...
clive is pissed off - some dick brains are hitting golf balls off the square - can anyone suggest how we stop this? Clive is dropping a leaflet through doors close to the ground but I feel the more you ban something the more enjoyment people get from doing it. Clive will go to jail if he catches them at it.
This rain is a bit of a bugger - wonder if the 2nds game is in doubt? Note from last weekend's results that speedster Mo has joined Catholic Club from Fothergills ... interesting move.