Wednesday, May 30

Community service at crompton meadows


Phil - welcome - and you'll ALWAYS have a lift with me.

Finally here

Just a note for Danny i'll run myself to the game on saturday.

so what have we learned about team selection?

1. it helps to turn up at nets
2. it helps if your surname begins with 'A'
3. it's actually quite good opening the batting
4. some physical disability helps keep you in mind
5. if you're not particularly good at cricket, it helps if you hold some degree of comedy value to the team or you can score legibly (although counting up the runs correctly too is an advantage and saves embarassment so that the team know when to give up the chase for the win and settle for a batting point)

hope i didn't offend anyone there

real team order ...

Actually I need to come clean. The team order was actually written to echo the sentiments of young Dan on hearing the selection.

If you take the first letter of the surname in the order selected, you can create the phrase:

Harumph ...

right ...

what do you mean where's rowdy? he's sandwiched between Phil Mc and Asif, like a little ginger sandwich filling.

The team order is OBVIOUS. Here's my thought process.

"Ok right seconds then, start with the skipper, opening batsman, right who was at nets tonight? Right, Dan, Jebby and Phil .. ooh better not forget Rowdy, Asif, yeah he's playing for the 2s as he can't leave work early ... Dickie P - needs some runs, good opportunity for him here, ok that's 8, who's missing? Hmmm. Hunty is normally at nets, that's why I forgot him, put him in there ... Dr Doom of course, another seamer (4! the first team only have 2!), and that leaves us with ... er, hang on, they normally have some floppy haired fella, that's it ... Smiffffffffffffy."

Is that clear enough?


just spotted rowdy in there - phew!!! thought we were scuppered for a minute - against the league leaders too!

BLOODY HELL!!! whenever i do the word verification, why does it always error? i ALWAYS enter the letters as shown in the image!!!!

weekend teams

thanks for posting this paul - i managed to find it this week.
however, i must point out (in the hope of not offending you in front of literally millions of www viewers) that whenever danny posts on the 2nds website, that there is some sort of 'order' to the team. so, with that in mind, is the team this week in:
a) alphabetical order (appears not)
b) batting order Hmmm, danny and jebby at 3 and 4?)
c) with the last suggestion in mind - bat throwing order?
or possibly d) just random order as you weren't to know we usually have some sort of team order?

AND! where's rowdy??

yours in lower case
mr a

Weekend selection

Both teams are playing on Saturday this week.

1st XI v Failsworth AWAY, meet Robin Hood 12.45pm

Ash, Paul, Clive, Russ, Nelly, Kieran, Dasher, Pete, Craig, Nicholas Garvey Hudson, Chadders

2nd XI v Failsworth HOME, meet ground 1pm

Mike J, Mike A, Danny, Jebby, Phil Mc, Rowdy, Asif, Dickie P, Matt, Graham F, Smiffy

Monday, May 28


Caption 1: "Sharon, I thought you said we were going to the bolt hole?"

Caption 2: "I'll have 7 beers and a bat, please. Make sure there's a good head on the bat."

caption competition

best ones to appear in the next newsletter
PS: won't be at nets Tues - athletics comittment


what about Rowdy's authentic 80's costume??

meanwhile the 'team photo' came out alright after some tinkering.

will post more shortly

Top Night!!

Kieran & Denise

A huge thank you from the Parkies for a great night.

The one highlight missed by Doc was surfing on the twister sheet across the dance floor!! Priceless.

Thanks again.

Thanks, CDO!


Thanks for a fantastic bash last night - it all seemed to rush by so fast. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Some personal highlights - Nick Hud's delight at finally buying me an alcoholic drink after 20 years of trying, Big Bird and family as downright scary punks, BA Baracas(?!), Kaye "Sam Fox" Peacock's fake boobs, the chocolate cake, and Helen Parkinson's scarily authentic "rave" dancing.

Looking forward to the pics, Mr Ainscoe!

Saturday, May 26

Evolution of Dance

Ahead of Kieran's party tomorrow, here's one of the most famous videos on the Net. Richard Peacock - this is your life!

Friday, May 25

2nds team


Danny posted the 2s team on the 2s page, as usual. You're selected for an away game at Chew Brook Moor / Chew Moor Brook / Brooks Boys Chew More, meet Robin 12.30!


did look - must have missed it


seconds got a game this weekend or can i go shopping for my 80's wig for kieran's do???

Thursday, May 24

weekend selection

Hi folks,

Here's the 1st XI selection for the weekend's two games.

v Ashton Ladysmith at HOME, Saturday, meet 1pm

Paul (c), Kieran, Russ, Clive, Scunners, Nelly, Nicholas Garvey Hudson, Pete, Boris, Dasher and Dickie P

v Rochdale Catholic Club at HOME, Sunday, meet 1pm, mass exodus at 4 after the bowl out ;-)

Paul (c), Duncan, Asif, Dasher, Pete, Nelly, Scunners, Chadders, Mike J, Jamie, Rowdy
12th man: Phil McManus

Cry offs to me or Clive, please!

Inspiration ...

If you think Boris and Kieran have taken great one handed catches, watch these two beauties - poor Matthew Hayden!!

Monday, May 21


Just to say a big thank you to those that sponsored me for the half marathon!

Managed to make the £100 target with some sponsorship still to collect!!

As for the race, finished it in a time of 1hr 46mins!

If you'd still like to sponsor me my donations page will be open for another month or so

Thanks again!!

Tuesday, May 15

looks familiar

thank you kieran - i will respond to this with a personal email. however, as a 'site administrator' with 'adminitsrative rights' or something, don't be surpised if this photo disappears.

Mike covers up bad hair day (lemon highlights)

Up the merry monk!


we're all very quiet ... has the prospect of a weekend "raping and pillaging" in York got everyone scurrying for the hills?

Monday, May 14

Weekend heart failure


The 2s were rained off I believe, but the 1sts are probably all still recovering from collecitve heart failure after Saturday's game with Elton Vale.

We lost the toss (not a bad thing) and Elton Vale batted on a firm but slightly wet pitch. Some great team bowling and fielding saw them shot out for 83 - honours shared (me 3-29, Ash and Scunners both about 1-20 - Scunners bowled particularly well - and then Russ (1-2) and Nelly 3-2 !!! finished them off).

The heavens then opened and we went out to bat on a pitch that wasn't too badly affected, thanks to Dickie P's enormous new black bin-liner, I mean cover. We lost the CDo first ball to his first EVER golden duck, and then some injudicious shots and bad luck saw us completely fold to 22-7. I think I was highest scorer at that point ... with 5!!

Thankfully some tremendously gutsy play from Clive, Duncan, Craig and Pete got us home on 84-9 - the last pair put on 15 in the gathering dark!

With other results very much going our way (Westleigh taking 4 points off Robbies, Fothergills losing, 2 other games abandoned) it was a great result!

Special mention should be made of the latest member of the "showboating 1 hand catch club" - Duncan Phillips - who took an absolute blinding left handed catch on the run at mid-on. Even the Elton Vale team stood and applauded!


any updates of any sort from the weekend? could someone please post.

Saturday, May 12

Half Marathon Sponsorship

If you didnt know, next Sunday i'm going to be running the Sheffield Half Marathon.

So far this year i've completed the Wakefield Hospice 10k road race, and the Sheffield Childrens Hospice 10k run and I am confident of a finish next Sunday at around the 2 hour mark.

I'm going to be running the Half Marathon next Sunday for one of my best mates from Uni, who, at just 23 years old found out earlier this year that he has cancer for the 2nd time in his life. At his request all sponsorship raised will be going direct to Cancer Research UK.

I've set up a 'Just Giving' donations web page. Please take a minute to visit the site and donate as much or as little as you choose, it all helps.

I've set my target at 100quid but really looking to better that by some distance with peoples help.

Many thanks,


Friday, May 11

Rain Rain Rain

Who built the Ark?
Who built the Ark?
Brother Noah built the Ark.

Now here come the animals two by two:
The Elephant and the Kangaroo

Who built the Ark?
Who built the Ark?
Brother Noah built the Ark.

Here come the animals three by three:
The Penguin and the Chimpanzee


Tuesday, May 8

weekend selection

1st team v Elton Vale at Crompton Meadows. Meet ground 1pm.

Ash (c), Paul, Kieran, Russ, Clive, Nelly, Scunners, Dasher, Craig, Pete, Duncan
12th man: Dickie P

elpm weekend

Must admit that my personal highlight was when Rowdy (who else?) went to fag the ball from over by the end house of the #1 fan, and the great big alsation leapt up at the fence and frightened him to death.
Oh, and Matt Hunt's catch...and allthe dropped catches...and that echo around the ground 'come on millers' (bet it's still going round)...and Danny dragging on a wide ball...and Mick J going out to keep wicket WITHOUT HIS PADS...


I wont be able to make it to training tonight, just to let you know i am available this weekend

and yes Paul....23!!!

Weekend entertainment

This is turning into a thoroughly enjoyable and entertaining season, really having fun.

Some more weekend highlights

- Big Bird's quality sledging of Andy Berry

- the farting competition between Kieran, Russ and Nelly in the dressing room. Terrible

- Danny Mozzer having an even more ridiculous bowling warm up than Nelly

- Ashley's hugely motivational "we don't give a f*** if we win this" pre-bowl out rallying speech

- Kieran's flicks over square leg

- Ash constantly asking Ben where Dan was. Or Dan where Ben was. Or anyone else where his kids were ...

- Dasher's wonderful "senior moment" when we were all admiring a certain female carrying her tea across the ground and he said "look at that ... I could really fancy a pie and chips"

- Me asking ELPM's opener how he was feeling when he walked out to bat and him replying "I'll tell you in a minute"

- Kieran's catch

- Ashley's catch (arf)

- Dr Doom's "you can pinch more than an inch there, son" comment

- Leaving Russell stranded at the pub

- Asking Robbo if I was in his fantasy team when I took my 5th wicket, haha.

- Nelly getting 2 fielding points despite having a "Channel tunnel" moment

- Young Jebby's performance generally. Class. Not to mention Danny and Matt.

- Discovering that babyfaced Matt H is 23. 23!!!! No, really!

- Kieran sledging the loud ELPM 2s fielder

- Senior Jebby talking to me and saying "no-one's hit the stumps today" just as Nelly bowled the last man on Sunday

- the whole bowl out. Absolutely hysterical.


Whats the weather like over the old Crompton Meadows?
Does anybody know if there is chance of a net? - providing we don't get further downpours between now and 20.30

How hard can it be?

During the bowl off on Sunday - Dasher turned to me and said, "This is tailor-made for Dicky P this!"
We will never know..............
Still, what an extraordinary season this is turning out to be - who would have predicted in the first few weeks:
A tie?
A bowl-off?
An Ashley dropped catch?
Derek F. (Robinsons) scoring nearly 400 runs already?

What next - a fielding point for me? (no that's stretching it too far......)

Serious note - a big thanks to the second teamers who helped on Sunday - all of whom contributed.

Monday, May 7


Well well, what an entertaining weekend of cricket!!

Where to start?

On saturday a great game in the 2nds. Set over 200 and we were so close to chasing it down. A very entertaining game right from the start, shunts and mick's spat with their lad who walked without even knowing it, Rowdy doing an excellent fielding job for them blocking a certain four while square leg umpiring, the umpire occasionally getting hit on the back of head with the ball and shunts looking ever so dejected as he raised his finger to end the valiant run-chase at the death!

Great to have the first team there to cheer us on too, all in all, disappointing to lose but a great game to be a part of!

So, on to Sunday where all the fun of the fair continued, KC's great one handed effort on the boundary that was made to look very easy only to find he was pipped to the fielding point by Nelly (oh how he laughed), Nelly's textbook warm-up workout in the changing room before the bowlout and the square leg umpire claiming Paul's delivery hadnt pitched...hmmm!!

As a player from the 2nds on Saturday was a nice bit of sweet revenge to ELPM after just missing out the previous day!

All in all a very entertaining weekend of cricket!! Long may it continue throughout the summer!!

Thursday, May 3

Flog thyself!

Cilice? Blimey, we've moved from the wacky world of 1970s British wrestling to the altogether more sinister world of the da Vinci Code! Nice. Can't see you as an albino monk, Mr A, but then again, I never thought I'd see that leopardskin jockstrap thing of Mr J!

What I'm particularly looking forward to on a weekend which promises temperatures in the mid 20s is two days stuck in ELPM's changing room with Big Bird and his unending tube of deep heat ...

Oh yes, and the strangest word I've had to type was "stickers". Not weird, but for a random letter generator, that was quite unusual. It says "dfbyauwg" at the moment, which if I'm not mistaken is a Welsh mining village close to Llanberis.


Les Kellet was a really old 'guy' - not 'gut' (although he probably did have a gut too). Off now to tighten my cilise (sp??)and get my hairshirt out the wash.

in reply

That, of course, is the Welsh spelling (pronounced 'champyon') and Les kellet will be played by Grah Fletcher.


You made the bed - now lie in it.............

"rip 'is ear off"

Just remembered LES KELLET!!!! - a really (really) old gut with thin strands of hair and hardly any teeth. Probably the gurning chapmion of North Yorkshire. Now, which TSJer could take on this role???

more grappling

all this talk of grappling has led me to have a very strange dream involving the TSJ wrestling elite of Mike Jones (tight pants), Graham Jebb Snr (and Graham Jebb Jnr), tag team champions the Battling Brooks Boys, Dickie P (slightly gay) and the masked Rowdy "Ginger Prince" Yates, whose legendary interviews are filled with identical stories week in week out. All being coached from the sidelines by Mike "The Ace" Ainscoe, with commentary from the straight talking Scoop Doggy and "Whispering" Kieran, the Yorkshire Rapper.

Wednesday, May 2

McManus update

If anyone else remembers Mick McManus (burly wrestler) - he was the one who always won and wore very tight black 'trunks'/briefs. I seem to remember him sporting a a VERY (dyed) black hair colour too! This was also in the days of such great wrestling names as Jackie Pallo (and Jackie Pallo jnr), Adrian Street (faintly gay) and the masked Kendo Nagasaki!!!! Ah, it all takes me back to 4pm on a Saturday afternoon on ITV's World of Sport with Dickie Davies and commentator Kent Walton broadcasting live from Derby Assembly Rooms.

PS: Idea for bloggers survey - What's the strangest word verification you've had to type???


seriously (honestly!) I did a cricket coaching course back in the early 80's while at Uni, receiving certification from the National Cricket Council (I think). The guy leading the course had the memorable name of Bill Clutterbuck!!! (no wonder I remember after 20 odd years) Don't know if the NCC still exists (or ever did exist - possibly a figment of Bill's imagination) as the certificate is at my mums! Also did my masters degree with research in sport psychology - so if anyone wants any tips, or their dreams interpreting....



You are also not omniscient - I was giving bowling advice to several players throughout the evening (particularly Stu's lad, as he'll confirm), and both Nelly and I were talking to batsmen. I did speak to several batsmen as well, maybe I just did it quietly and without the need for any obvious fuss ... we also have been helping Jebby's lad, to the extent that he now finds himself in the 1sts for Sunday, and will hopefully get to turn his arm over there.

Nets can be enormously frustrating - I can't say I found it particularly helpful to be retriving 60% of deliveries from the side netting either, but it does require a commitment that not everyone can always provide, particularly those with later working hours, other commitments, families etc.

Physician heal thyself!

Danny - I like the content of your blogs (the tone leaves a little to be desired - a little less challenging and a bit more constructive, please). I think the idea of coaching is a good one - Clive has information about courses you can attend to gain coaching status (at various levels) - I will ask him to forward these to you. I am experienced in playing cricket - but have no qualifications to pass on any techniques or good practice to any less experienced player (just like I drive 30,000 miles a year, but would be an awful driving instuctor!).
I have attempted to help a couple of young players in the indoor nets - regarding run-up and delivery - but they would be quite within their rights to turn round and ask what the F##K do I know about it?
We do have qualified coaches among our membership and I will bring it up at the next committee meeting (you have said you will not be present?).
You must also take into account that last night was our first real outdoor net and numbers are - at best - a lottery; so booking coaching must come with committment from the players also.


I'm not trying to single phils brother out but someone should be helping us youngsters with both batting and bowling. I found it quite embarrasing that everyone seemed happy enough to just keep knocking his stumps over going getting the ball and knocking stumps over again rather than going to him and pointing out what he was doing wrong. surely those with more experience should go over and coach him at this point??? This is probably one of the factors why we struggle with alot of young players. They can go to clubs where they will get coached. At totty last night i saw no coaching.

This needs to be addressed at the meeting and i will be there at the next one


McManus Clan

Don't forget Mick McManus, the burly wrestler!

Doc Trivia


wasn't Mark McManus the actor who played dour Scots detective Jim Taggart??
Mike (Prince of Trivia) Ainscoe (batter)



What you have to remember is that not everyone can get there at 6.30, and you invariably bat first. If you'd batted later on you'd have had me, Russ and Nelly bowling - and could probably have persuaded Ash too. You may also have had Kieran if he wasn't busy cutting the *2nd team* wicket for the weekend. You also need to remember that people work - at least 4 of last week's firsts were working, one's away and one is injured, and we knew that 2-3 of the 2nds couldn't make it. Of the people who bowled for the club last Saturday, me, Ashley, Nelly, you, Matt H were there, plus we had Russell most of the night too. Without doubt there are people who could use a net but circumstances don't always permit it.

We note your "comments" about players on the 2nd team selection again. It's most unfair to single people out, whatever your own views. There's a time and a place for moans - we have a committee meeting next week for a start.


First thing! Can we have some bowlers down at Nets on Tuesdays please??? 2 reasons, Us young bowlers need someone there to coach us and help us improve, 2nd reason its no good to bat when all your getting is beamers and bouncers and naff all on the stumps.

Second thing! Groundwork before and after games, Some people arent pulling their weight before and after games its the same people week in week out getting the rope, marking the pitch etc, Bring in something that say 5 people help before the game 5 after and one doing teas! It really isnt that hard! the same people are turning up after everything is done and going before any work after the game is done.

Third thing! Mark (Phil McManus brother) at nets tonight was batting awfully! Why the hell did no one think they would go over and try and coach him??? It ended up with me!! yes me!!! (Probably one of the worst batters in the league!!!) trying to teach him to defend the ball! Someone better should be helping him rather than just running up and knocking his stumps over everyball!

NETS are about team practice! Both 1st Team and 2nd team! there should be more than 8 or 9 people turning up! NO ONE at the club is too good to come to nets.

I for one want to improve my batting, how can i do this if i havent got one single half decent bowler bowling at me???


Tuesday, May 1

!st XI weekend selection

1st XI selection for the two games at ELPM this weekend. Both games start at 2pm, so either meet at the Royal Hotel 1pm or at ELPM at 1.30pm.

Ash (c), Paul, Clive (w/k), Scunners, Nelly, Russ, Kieran, Craig, Dasher, Asif, Pete
12th man: Nick Fletcher

Ash (c), Paul, Pete (w/k), Scunners, Nelly, Russ, Kieran, Craig, Dasher, Asif, Dickie P
12th man: Graham Jebb Jnr