Tuesday, September 30

yes it was, but there were other daft comments that day too - You used to be the best batsman in the world, but I'm still the best point fielder (2 balls before NH caught Parky at point). Also NH - you f***ing T**T what were you doing! (constructive comment to Cotters after his swish meant NH dnb). Other top moments - Dasher's head tennis at Littleborough; Clive signalling his own 6; any first two minutes with skunners; any Dicky P sincerity.
Was it something to do about Bambi on Ice!
Matt, excellent news - look forward to seeing you there. CDO - what was that blindingly funny comment you made at Glodwick??
Good news on the footy front. I should be able to start next thursday as i'm dropping my computer accounting course as i don't need to do it! COME ON!! Unfortunately I've been let down on a few people attending the race night but I'm trying to get more people to come.
looking at averages, "Kieran Coe, you are the weakest link - goodbye!"

Monday, September 29

As well as letter to B Times maybe a letter to local residents stressing the point that continual vandalism will eventually result in no cricket club which will mean the church will try sell the ground to a developer and build a f***ing big housing estate. What would they prefer ????

Saving the above maybe the battling Brooks brothers can go around and beat up all the local hooligans and their dads !!!!!!!!
Doc - if I am thick - why is the number of catches next to batting analysis? To be quite honest I was dead chuffed to think I had been caught a lot (means I have at least hit the ball). Does this mean I win, with 7 catches? Oooo goody!
On a more serious note - vandals, bloody vandals have been at the ground, this time ripping doors off sheds and scattering equipment around field - Clive alerted Police who (guess what) didn't have anyone available to investigate. I seriously think that we should pen a letter to the B Times telling just the plain truth - est. club in Community for x years, developing ground and pavillion, winners of two trophies this year, etc, etc - mindless vandalism, plea for help, local residents - blah blah. I've asked Clive to pen and I will add to if required. Has anyone got any thoughts (other than ripping off of testicles) as to what we can do.
Further nominations for quote of the season:

Dickie P at Fothergill " at least I'll be able to reach the wicket from the boundary" .

Dasher Deegan " Fielding at third man and batting at number 9, I'm too good for this"


CDO,

Yes it means number of catches YOU have taken!
Very pleased with my average this season with both bat and ball. 26 runs Come On!!!!! Highlights for me this season are;

1. Away at Glodwick and Ash said " Keep it tight in the ring Lads!!"

2. Clive's girly squeal away at Failsworth when a frog jumped at him!

3. Pete going out to bat at ELPM with a wig on! V Amusing!

4. On a more disturbing note, I went to see the 2's play the last game of the season against E Vale and when I drove onto the field I was greeted by 3 asses. Nick Fletcher, Mike Ainscoe and Pete Duckworth mooning!!! High Disturbing I've not slept since!

Might be able to start playing footy on a thursday now but I wil update you later.

Laters
oh yes - does CT in batting averages mean number of times batter has been caught or number of times he has caught as fielder? am I thick?
looking at averages - looks like I've been over used with bat and under used with ball. Potential to be a bowling all-rounder? (SR 12? - come on!).

Friday, September 26

its all in my head - scunners. (no comment required).
I'd also like to congratulate Matt and Bird on their bowling this season - Matt has consistently taken top order wickets with his unique mix of brilliance and buffet bowling, while Bird has bowled the best he's ever done (IMO).

Will do a proper set of acknowledgements at the end of season do, but it's been a pleasure skippering you all this season - and here's to more progress next year.

Nominations for quote of the season welcomed - so far strong contenders are:

1. Scunners - "I had no right to play that shot"

2. Dasher - "I'm an icon"

3. Over at Failsworth, wickets are tumbling like mad, and the Skip is getting more angry by the moment. I turn to young Jedi ... "Matt, we're not losing this game ..." Young Jedi: "RIGHT"!

You had to be there for number 3, but I think Vice will appreciate that!

Any others?

COME ON!
Congratulations to the Skipper for topping both averages ( for a change!). A big clap on the back for scunners for qualifying for the league batting averages. At least it might stop him telling us about that catch or that shot off his legs which he didn't have a right to play etc etc etc .
The 1st XI averages are now available for 2003. Read 'em and weep!

Thursday, September 25

Where are you all? Too quiet!

Monday, September 22

Morning all, hope you all had a great weekend and that the activity at the field went well? Richard, Cliff - what news?

I will be adding the season averages for the firsts this week. I dunno if Mick or Nick have the 2nd XI averages but they should be put up at some point too!

Looking forward to footy on Thursday.

Friday, September 19

Chaps

Tomorrow is still on - come rain or shine.

COME ON !!
COME ON!!!
Osama,

Many congratulations. When are you going to learn how to shave? ;-) haha.
Exciting times in the Bin Lardy household! I started college on wednesday and i've been taught how to send an e mail!!! I know how good am I ! Anyway enough of the exciting news, is tomorrow still on if its raining? I'm not too sure on the technical side on scarifying!! I should be down around 9.30 ish if its still on.
I've got wood.....cheers for mentioning her (image bubble of dance sequence whereby she shags the song....groan..).
Is it a good or a bad thing that its raining for tomorrow's groundwork(one word answer please - nowt'bout 'kin scarifying, etc).
Well chaps, the footy season hit last night, and most enjoyable it was too - great to see Garv and Frankie B there, the old men made us youngsters look appalling! First casualties and confrontations to report - Andy totalling young Jedi through the benches and Scoop Doggy and Jedi going nose-to-nose. Clearly young Matt is going to be a shocking influence with his tireless energy and eye for goal ;-)

We need some Friday entertainment.

CDO, tell us what you think about Beyonce ... ? ;-)

Thursday, September 18

To all footy-players - I cannot go tonight - my ankle is totally knackered (even have to call of rugby on Saturday). I will tel. SP to apologise for late cry off.

Tuesday, September 16

In a year in which "back-clapping" and "touching the sky" has become the norm, I think it's only right that we stand back in awe and pay homage to the oldest living human, who today celebrates her 116th birthday!. She's old enough to be Cyril's sister!
Kieran,

Just received telephonic word from "Holistic" Dicky P that work starts at 9am on Saturday!

Excellent work with Franny, it's about time he came to a club where he'd have to fight for an opening spot ;-). What we really ought to do is try and recruit openers from every club we can think of, thus leaving us with some impossible selection dilemmas for next year.

But no-one is nabbing my number 4 spot!
I just remembered - I told Fran Daley in Chicagos that I loved him and pre-season nets are January.
Our fame spreads! Hi to Rochdalians skipper Steve (yes, before anyone says it, the REAL Rochdalians skipper, not the guy I tossed up with that time ;-)) who has signed our guestbook!
Richard / Clive - what time Saturday? I'm playing rugby in aft so as early as poss. for me.

Monday, September 15

Good scene on saturday! Completely wrecked ! I've lost my wig! I think micky J had it last but i can't really remember
East Lancs PM 105 a/o
TSJ 109-5

Fantastic effort on Saturday lads, what a top way to end the season with 5 points against the champions and bringing home the last 6 competition to boot. A sterling effort all round, some excellent bowling under pressure, and then some cool heads when needed in the run chase.

TWO trophies this year is a remarkable turnaround when you consider our lowly position in June. Had we started the season as we finished it we'd have been looking at a top 3 spot at worst. Many congrats to you all.
Any wigs left? Please bring to 5-a-side.
Really need a good turn out Saturday a.m. for ground stuff - Richard/Clive can you post a time for both Sat. and Sun. so that we know when to turn up.
Great night Saturday. Star of the show must be Nelly B. for continuous stealing of the show!

Friday, September 12

Kieran,
You're a nutjob!

It's Friday folks, and where would we be without an amusing link or two? So prepare to read all about the low-flying cow, find out what that musical maestro Big Bird has been arrested for, and finally one for Dickie P, as the age old mystery of whether a duck's quack echoes has finally been solved.
"In this world, where we live, there should be more happiness....BRING ME SUNSHINE!!!!"

Thursday, September 11

Evening chaps!

Unfortunately I'll be on holiday for the NMCL version of the Charity Shield, Have a good game and an even better night, and for the last time this season COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like it ! I wonder if olive will make an appearance!!
Personally, I'm more interested in some 'On The Buses' type sledging when we play the bus drivers on Sunday - "I 'ate you Butler"
50p!! More like £50 to get my head battered with a cricket bat!!!
Osama,

I'll personally give you 50p and join in with you if you call an East Lancs batsman an "infidel" to his face on Saturday.
As you can see from my latest TV appearance the beards coming on very well CDO.
CDO - Your'e entries are getting earlier and earlier!! I'm now not sure whether it's just before you go to bed or just after you get up!!

Apologies re the football - should now be sorted and all concerned have been contacted. Any probs please contact either me, Cliff or Captain Peacock.

Finally and most importantly wanted to pass on my very best wishes for a speedy recovery to both Danny and Cyril.

COME ON!!
Cotters - how is yer beard coming along? - I see you're back in the news on 9/11.

Wednesday, September 10

Scott is on the case with Pat, the owd trout, I hope he gives it to her staight. We all agree it is simply not on, particulary after checks were made at a late stage and Scott was contactable. All money has been paid and Scott will make the point regarding travel costs and our requirement to maintain the interest of 10 players each week so that we recover our costs. I'm still pissed off!
arf, arf! In all seriousness, have we paid in advance for St Monica's and if so, I sincerely hope we'll get a refund. That's 3 times in our last 4 bookings that it's been off!
Doc P where were you? we had a great game - Nick Hudson and Franky B. in tremendous form!
Kieran,

why didn't you just click "Edit" on your original post!?

Just like to echo Cliff's comments and wish Danny and Cyril a very speedy recovery.

On a more annoying note, why was footy off last night, and did anyone know in advance??
all that, just to spell again right! (twonker!)
rain, rain go away, come again on Sunday (after we have thrashed E.Lancs and had a right old hairy end of season bash).
rain, rain go away, come agian on Sunday (after we have stuffed E.Lancs and had a hairy end of season bash).

Tuesday, September 9

On a more positive note :
The Annual Presentation & Race Night has been booked for Saturday 18th October at Woodbank Cricket Club.
Tickets are £5 each with horses also priced at £5. Get selling as many tickets as you can. It has always proved a popular event and this year should be no different.
Also sponsors for the races are required at £25 each. Please email me with your ticket and horse requirements on tsjcc@aol.com
The Club sends it's Best Wishes to both Danny Moriarty and Cyril Fletcher and wish them both a speedy recovery.
Danny is currently in the High Dependancy Ward at Booth Hall Childrens Hospital, while Cyril has been rushed into Ward 7 at Fairfield with heart problems.

Monday, September 8

Well done England! A deserved 9 wicket victory after being faced with a first innings of 484. Magnificent!
scary, hairy monsters.....woooooooooo!
Your beginning to scare people now KC!
hairy, hairy, hairy.........I want to wear mine to 5-a-side!

Sunday, September 7

Totty St Johns 176 a/o (CDO 53, Nelly 36)
Glodwick 142 a/o (Doc 7-47)

Mission accomplished, lads. 7 wins in 8 games, absolutely superb. Well done all!

Friday, September 5

I'm sure that I speak for myself and the vast majority of the team when I say that our behaviour will be faultless, however, I fear that there may be a certain member of the team may wish to maintain his status as the most hated man in Glodwick, Guess who?

P.S. Is the Cup coming on saturday, as Jim Bowen would say "here's what you could have won!"

P.P.S COME ON!!!!!!!!!!
Its lunch time on friday i'm eating a veg pasty from Greggs and i've got the strange urge to say COME ON!!!!! Can't really shout it in the office (they may think i'm a tad bizarre!!)
Speaking of opponents, Kieran from West Leigh has signed the guestbook (again!). A shout out to him - an excellent game last weekend, hope for more of the same next year. BTW, I had a very nice email from Mark P too, hoping for a sporting game tomorrow. I can only echo that, behave boys!!

COME ON!
Well, its Glodwick again, Remember the miserable look on Mark Parky's face on cup final day(if not look at cup final pictures on website). I want to see him looking like that come 7 O'Clock saturday evening. Win tomorrow and they can't catch us in the league.
Oh, I almost forgot, COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lads, are we up for it tomorrow? Of COURSE we are!

Ahead of the weekend festivities, Big Bird passed on some Peter Kay one-liners. They cracked me up ... enjoy!

So I was having dinner with Garry Kasparov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest".

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".

So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".

But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

But I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.

So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?". I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".

He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".

Now did you know all male tennis players are witches, for example Goran,even he's a witch.

And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".

Four fonts walk into a bar The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here".

A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything".

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?".

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here".

Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A seal walks into a club...

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Lads - we need your help! The wicket, outfield and pavillion have all improved greatly this season. To ensure this improvement continues, we MUST work on the square (I should include lots of technical agricultural phrases here, but I know nowt!). Basically we need bodies to carry, dig and spread under the instruction of Clive and Dicky P. Saturday 20th September and Sunday 21st are the ideal days to do this work - please do not give me any shit excuses on Saturday - they carry double fines!

Wednesday, September 3

Like it!
Lads,

Owing to a few problems viewing the final pics, I've now added a new page available from the menu on the left, or above! Cheers to Bird for the pics!

Tuesday, September 2

I see I escaped a fine for actually winning the toss then? Fantastic. If you forgot ... diddums!

Monday, September 1

Doc - if you are forcing the point - 20p for Russ's 5-for; 20p for Skunners's 50; 50p for non attendance at fines (again!); 20p for being carted; 20p for family; 20p for not wrapping bat round bowlers head after "didumms" comment (although you did have last word); 20p for saying Richard was pushing it in attempting to suggest he pay only £1 in fines - then doing exactly the same!; 20p for not attending committee meeting; 20p for getting out on 98; = £2.00 for cash. It seems a lot harsher when typed instead of spoken - sorry! Everyone else paid minimum of £2.00 on Saturday.
CDO,

What was the state of fine-age on Saturday night and do I owe you anything (other than money for that bat ;-))
Allready Started!
Facial hair eh? Does this mean that Osama can regrow that ridiculous beard?
Tremendous effort, Paul - great knock! You're a d'head for getting out on 98 though! (didumms) Team game - my arse! Big claps on back also to Clive for preparing ground and wicket - 496 runs must be close to being home record?
I'm getting questionned re last match p'up - I'm open to suggestions, but unless I get huge complaints, here is my suggested itinerary:
Stuff East Lancs PM; get to Dungeon for 7.30 pm; go from pub to pub down Bury Road in Batting order of who buys round from kitty; Chicago Rock 11 pm; divorced by Wednesday. I want the theme to be facial hair (wigs/tashes/goatees/sideys/etc) and for it to be compulsary for everyone and for the start of game (ie arrive hirsute in Radcliffe).
Any comments, please get to me before committee meeting.
I have spare wigs........
Kieran.
Morning all,

well what a game that was on Saturday, and once again we were superb for half the match and then switched off for a time! Having scored a titanic 268-6, how did we almost let it slip?? We must focus, focus, focus!!

Anyway, congrats to Scunners for his superb 68, easily the best I have seen him bat, and a pleasure to stand at the other end and enjoy, it must be said. Very much enjoyed my 98, though really thought the run out decision was harsh - still, it's a team game and it was worth the risk. Must also say well done to Birdy for an excellent all round game - 33 not out in rapid time and a very good 5 wickets. We did manage to pull out a big final few overs to take the 5th point, so well done all.

Some tough selection dilemmas for the coming weekend with 3 faces back again in Flash, Dickie P and Ducky!

Just a quick note to Cliff and other committee members, I won't be able to attend on Thursday as I will be in London (work).

COME ONNNN!